it feels like i only come on here nowadays to vent when i feel like i can't do so on tumblr, 'cause certain people would see it but. lmao i don't care right now..i'm so upset and i hate it, i'm not usually jealous of rp partners but this particular partner only had one ship on their blog, that being between mine and their character and they're multi-ship, i'm not expecting them to stick to solely me, 'cause i'm multi-ship, too. b ut i'm so irrationally paranoid that they're gonna enjoy what they do with this other person they've start shipping with more than what they've developed with mine and they've roleplayed with them constantly lately and i want to send them things to roleplay, too, but i f eel like i'm. intruding somehow and that's stupid and i've been stressing myself to death for days
i know i should say something but i don't want them to stop roleplaying or having fun for my sake. that's not fair bc i roleplay and ship with plenty of other people, too. but lately it feels like if i want to do something with one of their characters, someone else kinda. comes along and hogs the attention. like we talked about shipping these two new muses of ours before we even made the blogs and then we made the blogs for them and were hella excited to ship them, then someone else just n EEDED TO SHIP WITH THEIR CHARACTER BC THEY WERE THIRSTY and suddenly i'm not getting any replies at all and i'd sit there. excited. just waiting. knowing i'd probably get myself excited over nothing.
and it's like why do i bother i'm just getting myself upset
it's selfish to want their attention constantly but it feels like all of my roleplay partners are having more fun with someone else and when i talk about my ideas to them, they seem excited!! they love them !!! but they're clearly doing so much more with someone else and i just .......
it ruins my motivation and i'm a dumb baby that needs attention and assurance that i am important and ugh slay me i'm stupid